Looking at Yourself Through Your Relationships

Family of Selves

Life requires a tremendous amount of deeper vision. We can get hurt in daily small ways by the opinions of others and then choose to add another layer of defense over our coat of armor. When we protect ourselves in this way, we withdraw from life more and more. On the opposite end we can choose to take a step towards what is wounding us and look for the gift about what it is telling us. Anything that bothers us is pointing us towards something we are afraid to look at in ourselves. Usually it is something in our character that is not contributing to the whole of life and that we selfishly wanting to defend and not change.

Group dynamics are an amazing experiment that we all must learn to flow in and co-operate with in order to be part of a larger interdependent expression of the whole. Within a group, our individual edges, preferences and strong likes and dislikes have to get rubbed down in the interest of a harmonious working group. This is a good thing, even though the comfortable, primary expression of our personality would like to convince us otherwise.

Working in groups is uncomfortable. In groups we have to stretch in directions that we would not normally choose to. Groups teach us not to be so self-centered and only focused on our own interests. It shows us where we hold back, where we withdraw and where we act victimized and attacking. It shows us where we feel better than others, where we seek our approval from, and it show us where we feel less than others. Group dynamics are an amazing mirror. If we truly give to the good of the group and set aside our selfish and isolated interests, there is less conflict and more cooperation. Groups teach us to step outside of our small selves and give to something larger than ourselves.

Here are some good question to ask yourself:

1.) Take a good look at a current group you are involved in. Who do you like and approve of in the group? Who do dislike or are irritated by? Can you name the characteristics in these people that you like and dislike? This will provide a map of what you allow and dis-allow inside of yourself.

2.) It is helpful to view every member of a group as a part of yourself. Can you find a name in your "Family of Selves" that represents every member of your group? This will help you feel less outwardly attacking towards others. You can say, "Hello victim!" to yourself when someone is feeling sorry for themselves and look for all the ways you have felt sorry for yourself today.