The Gift of Anger

The Force of Anger

Look at the force of this anger in this drawing. The figure is filled with cherished ideas about herself that dare not be challenged in any way. If this figure's cherished self ideas are challenged, some amount of force and control will be implemented to try to change the experiences and people that bring out these uncomfortable feelings.

The trick to meeting intensity in any form of conflict is to trust and remember that no matter how it appears, life is never against us. Life is always trying to show us some truth about ourselves and it serves us better to not try to withdraw and distance from the truths that are being constantly being revealed.

Usually our pain comes from not accepting the multi-dimensionality of our humanness. Most of choose to be blind to our own weaknesses and tend to see them more easily in others. Yet if we refuse to see the whole truth of ourselves we will continue to suffer endlessly. Life will always bring conflict to our door to wake us up to our part in things.

Pain and anger is usually about the loss of a cherished self-image. Perhaps for example, we prefer to see ourselves as all-kind and all-loving. When conflict arises it brings up all of our hidden pain and we realize how angry we actually are. How hard it is, and how unrealistic it is to be "nice" and "kind" all of the time.

I have felt unraveled by conflict in my workplace the last couple years and I am starting to see the Truth in it. What I am understanding that groups and families in crisis usually express extreme polarities. There is usually one or more who expresses the anger and the discontent for the whole group or system. This would typically be called the "Black Sheep" of the family or group. The angry ones seem "less than" and those who appear to have it all perfectly together seem "better than".  Both sides however are being called to the truth of balance and integration. Since if we are drawn to be in a group together, we all have an equal amount of anger within us and equal amounts of good....otherwise we would not even be there. We all have anger, but if we allow another to express it all for us, we can easily disown it in ourselves.

We can become unraveled in group or family dynamics because usually someone is expressing some dis-owned part of ourselves. It provides us something to argue with and fight against. In disowning our own feelings and the truth of our own lower human tendencies, we tend to want to disown the people who bring them out in us. Whenever we do not want to see a particular, less than savory truth about ourselves, division, separation and conflict is born. The nature of wholeness is to allow everything into it's expression. As I allow myself to own and integrate all of my parts - even the more wild and untamed parts of myself such as anger, I experience less conflict and judgment of others in my being.

As I experience and accept my own anger, instead of retaliating and trying to change a person or situation that "makes me" feel disturbed or uncomfortable, I can let it transform into personal power and creativity.

Consider this quote about anger and let it transform you:

"Anger is born out of the fear you feel when others won't conform to your point of view. Give up your anger towards others and yourself by seeing that the force of fear is not strength. Remember that for any and every action of force there is an equal and opposite one. This explains why the fighting never ends. Let it end."   -Guy Finley

Some good questions to ask yourself:

1.) Who or what are you angry about right now?

2.) Is there any way that you can see that the current situation or person is attacking a cherished self-image of yourself?

3.) What if what the person or event that is "attacking you" has some grain of truth in it. Can you allow yourself to relax your defenses and take a look deep inside at your own areas of weakness?

4.) When you see what you are disowning in yourself you will feel more compassionate and integrated. Could you explore your anger and allow yourself to see what you do not normally allow yourself to see in a collage or a journal session?