Cleansing Anger

This collage makes me laugh. That is a good thing! After several rousing fights in the latter part of last week with my partner Ondrea - all started by me - I realized....I am angry! I have been feeling a lot of anger lately....especially anger at my own anger!

I told Ondrea on Friday that I want to hold my anger without projecting it outwards and be present for it until it moved and shifted on its own. It is here in my my body - I might as well face it. I have a hard time being present for my anger. Anger is a hot and uncomfortable emotion - it seethes and boils - it is enough to drive you crazy. It is very easy to project it outwards..."Someone or something has done me wrong" stories abound, and they are so easy to dissipate anger towards.

Determined to withdraw my projections from my life, I immediately got sick with an raging infection and spent the next days sleeping away my weekend. When I awoke from my stupor today at noon, "I said to Ondrea, " I am still angry." She laughed and said, "Go for a run." Years ago when I went through my divorce, I ran everyday and it healed me. It gave me somewhere to put my anger. My attempts to change and manipulate my ex-husband into someone who would not upset, provoke and disturb me, went instead, into my running.

I like this collage above. There is a fierceness to it. It is a good kick in the butt reminding me to look at what I am not meeting in myself.

Richard Moss says it best:

"Demanding someone change (including ourselves) is fruitless; in fact it is a form of violence. We all have the potential to change, and it happens completely naturally the more we realize our essential selves. In the absence of this fundamental understanding, requiring someone to change is a weapon used against that person. It means attacking what is and an attempt to protect ourselves from feelings we are not meeting in ourselves. We must not attempt to manipulate other people to protect us from our core fears. Who they are, as they are, is the reality of them. To fight against this is to suffer."

Some good things to consider are:

1.) It is interesting to keep track of how much you resist your own life. When you consider that nothing can be other than what it is in this moment, it releases a good deal of inner pressure. Note how much you resist your life today.

2.) See how much you can withstand uncomfortable feelings inside yourself today as people say thngs you don't like, or events happen that go contrary to your plans. Welcome your anxious and uncomfortable feelings as you would any other feeling.

Know that as you welcome your disturbing feelings you are denying no part of yourself. This build a strength of presence and allowing that feels very rich.