Meeting Darkness

I like the look of this jester because try as he might to be "happy", "positive" and "nice" his face belies that he cannot push down his repressed feelings any longer. They want to come into the light.

Everything must be brought up to the light, as much as we would like to pretend and wish otherwise. This is a process we rarely learn how to do.

The process itself is intensely difficult, yet rewarding...cleansing...relieving. Usually when repressed feelings come up, there begins a black despair. Nothing feels right. Everything feels horribly wrong...tainted.

We want to run but we cannot hide! We feel terrible, but the darkness is benevolent. This is where the present moment comes in. We have inner thoughts, stories, beliefs ect. within that suck us into tremendous emotional suffering and these are the very hardest to stay present for.

Richard Moss, so generously writes:

"We must learn that when we are powerfully contracted, we must turn our attention fully towards the sensations of angst and despair instead of the thoughts that such dark feelings always generate.

I have learned that I must stop thinking at the feelings, which means I must stop trying to interpret or explain them. I intentionally resist letting my mind race with thoughts that invariably begin to generate stories about why I am feeling this way and what I should do.

Instead I enter into a pure relationship, a profound intimacy with this suffering, and simultaneously sink into the Now of my body as though falling into infinite space.

 My attention never breaks with the bodily sensations. When my energy moves back to into my reactive mind, as it does for a while, I just renew the single pointed attention to the feeling. Suddenly whether it happens all at once or after many long hours, the darkest place becomes stillness, and even bliss.

It is as if I suddenly become transparent, so that both the terrible feeling and the self that hosted it disappear, and there is openness. I return to the beginning of myself, the Now."

So many presence teachings do not explain this process. This is what we have to present for...the hard stuff...so it can transform in the light of our attention.

I have been working with this process of attention to my darker feelings for many years and it has tested everything in me. This kind of presence requires tremendous strength and willingness, and it must be built up gradually over time.

A good thing to consider:

Consider that the minute you feel a contraction in your body, you are resisting the present moment as it is meant to be. Notice how often you fight the present moment in a day. See how often you say no to life because you cannot withstand the tension within you. See if you can turn towards it instead of away from it and touch it with your gentle, unwavering attention. Watch it as it dissipates in the light of your awareness.