Authentic Self-Expression

Mystics would call our childhood thought system the "conditioned mind".  Very rarely do we think there is any way of being outside of our habitual thought systems. We come into this world, open, unique, authentic beings. Quickly however, we learn how to belong and how to be taken care of by our family and by society. We learn how to fit in.

Children learn within their families what to say and what not to say, what to do and what not to do in order to keep down the anxiety in the family system. If for example, as children, we learn that expressing anger brings up anxiety in the family, we literally grow up feeling like a "bad" person for expressing ourselves authentically in this way.

As children we are often praised for being "good and nice". As children, we are taught to behave. To behave means to defer to others, to not make choices for ourselves, and to be externally referenced to the thoughts and feelings of other people. When we make another person's thoughts or feelings more important than our own, we "lose ourselves". This is how we stay victims and dependent children inside, often for our entire lives.

Differentiating out of our family systems rules around authentic self-expression takes such incredible courage and strength, many of us will not choose to make that journey. The mere thought of expressing ourselves authentically within our family and societal systems can bring up tremendous anxiety. It might feel easier to shut down our self-expression down in order to belong.

I received a most surprising and supportive gift in the mail this week. Someone very dear sent me her inner world - she mailed me her entire collage journal to read. Her gift moved me beyond belief.  What I read in her journal is what I see in myself. As women we often feel like we are "bad" when we speak our truth. We are taught to be nice at all costs, even to the point of not standing up for ourselves.

As we come to know ourselves outside of victimized and dependent thinking patterns, it becomes easier to stand up to life's challenges. The more we touch into our true being, the more we we need to learn how to choose how we want to live our own lives from inner values rather than outer family and societal rules. This is how we become real. This is how we become our "authentic selves".

Good Questions To Ask:

1) Where do you feel victimized in your life? Where do you feel life has "done" you wrong?

2) Can you see places where you choose to keep yourself small and avoid taking the next step in your life by hanging onto your feelings of victimization?

3) What would your life look like if your did not feel victimized? How would you move into your day? What steps would you take?